Fixing a Writing Story! :D

Surface Features

Hello fellow bloggers,

This week we were fixing surface features in a story. A surface feature are rules for our story , like punctuation, spelling and repeated words. We need to use surface features for story's so people can understand. Here is example that doesn't use surface feature : thissentsaChulymakessen Zbuttisrellyhrd to reed  

This what it looks like with surface features : This sentence actually make sense but this is really hard to read. 

On our room 9 writing site there was link to a story that we needed to fix, then make a copy of the document. We had read it 3 times, the first time we  had to find the end of sentence. The second time we had to highlight the repeated most words. The third time we had to think is this easier to read now.

Here is story that we had to fix

He kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder he tried not to suffocate as he laid under the bed he was wondering what had happened to his brother and his family. The man with the knife in his hand stormed around the house. Mums had boyfriends before but we had not thought that they would ever find us maybe he was one of them looking for revenge but why would he come. mum would just move and how did he find us we live on the other side of the planet from where all of mums boyfriends were so how could he find us he might have put a tracker on mum when he last saw her or on one of the devises ‘Hello where are you I know your here you're going to tell me where you're mother is or you shall join your father... in the skies so which will it be death or freedom you have 10 seconds chose wisely’.

Here is the one I fixed

James kept absolutely still as the footsteps got louder. He tried not to suffocate as he laid under the bed. He was wondering what had happened to his brother and his family. Jack with the knife in his hand stormed around the house. 

Mum had boyfriends before but now she doesn't have one. He thought that they would never find us. Maybe he was one of them, looking for revenge. But why would Jack come here? Mum would just move. How did he find us? We live on the other side of the planet from where all of mum's boyfriends were. So how could he find us? He might have put a tracker on mum when Jack last saw her or on one of her devices .

“ Hello, where are you? I know you are here. You are going to tell me where your mother is or you shall join your father... in the skies. So which will be death, or freedom you have ten seconds to choose wisely. ”

I hope you enjoyed this. Try to fix the story. Thank you for reading. Goodbye! :D

Descriptive Story Writing! :D

 Writing Story

Hello fellow viewers,

Today we had to use all of the language features for our story's. We also had to add senses like smelling, hearing and etc. We were writing a story about a birthday photo.We also had to write in present tense and first person. My story is called : A Repeated Dream

Here is the image

A Repeated Dream 

I am just drinking my warm, sweet coffee. I realised there was a special birthday party at 9 : 00  and it is 10 : 59. I immediately stood up and ran to my room took my clothes dressed up, brushed my teeth and I ran to the party immediately. I am so exhausted I felt like I am gonna faint. The party was couple miles away.

I finally reached the party. I am so relieved that I made it.

My friend asked me, “ Why are you so late? “

I responded “ I forgot about the party. “

My friend found out that I was really tired so he said “ You should drink some warm coffee.”

I told my friend that I already drank warm sweet coffee. 

He said “ Okay. Just ask me when need something.”

I looked around the party.

The party is so colourful just like a rainbow. Something felt off, people were acting strange. Still I am desperate for the delicious, creamy cake. I bolted to the cake I tried to eat it. I am confused, the cake disappeared. It felt like I was in a dream.I woke up. 

It is just a dream but I realised there was a special birthday party at 9 : 00  and it is 10 : 59. I immediately stand up and ran to my room took my clothes dressed up, brushed my teeth and I ran to the party immediately. I am so tired I felt like I was gonna faint. After that I realised that I am in a loop. 

I hope you enjoyed. Thank you for reading my story. Bye! :D

Word of the Week 2! :D

 Word of the Week

 

Hello fellow bloggers,

Time for another word of the week. This time we can choose what word we want. The word that I chose is unexpected. 

Definition of unexpected is : Surprising or not planned.

Here is an Example from the dictionary : The use of Section 110, however, was unexpected

Here my sentence that I wrote : I was expecting a outcome but it was unexpected

I hope you learnt something new. Thank you for reading. Goodbye! That was unexpected :O

Term 4 Writing Story! :D

Writing Story!

Hello fellow bloggers,

Term 4 is here! This term we had to use all of the language features, and this week we can write story about anything, so I wrote a story that was based on game called Among Us, you might know this game. 

Among Us is just like murder mystery. I have made 5 chapters but some of them are pretty short. I am still working on it. The story that I was writing was different before, but I changed it into Among Us.

Here is my story

Chapter 1 Sounds From Outer Space...
Red turned to a tomato head. She was so embarrassed it was just a broken lever making the sound. 
Yellow facepalmed and said “ Really Red. You look like you are about to explode from embarrassment. ¨
Green was coming to the situation and said “ What is happening! ¨
Cyan said they heard a crunch nearby but It wasn't me. Purple heard another crunch but in another room and ignored it.
They ignored it and just went to Green´s house. Green´s house was big as the moon. They went to Green´s room to have a sleepover. They put down 

Chapter 2 Scream Then Run...
Something was wrong, it sounded like a scream. Once Red woke up she heard a blood curdling scream, Red ran to the screaming, she saw Cyan, Green, Yellow and Purple running around all because there was dark red blood puddle on the ground. Purple was looking for clues as to what happens. The blood appeared out of nowhere...

Chapter 3 Another Problem…
Cyan exclaimed ¨ Red WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!¨
Red responded ¨ Don't worry, Purple is trying to find clues.¨
Cyan started to calm down from the conversation that they just had.
Purple was still talking on the phone.
Yellow started to run around in a circle trying to calm herself down. Green went to to calm down then found a corpse on the ground… to be continued

Chapter 4 Who Is The Impostor?
Green sprinted to the door and told everybody what happened in the cafeteria. Purple started to piece everything together and found out that there was an impostor, but the question is who was the impostor. Everybody was trying to find a clue about who killed them. Red Was suspicious about Green. 
So Red Yelled out, “EVERYBODY COME BACK HERE! “
Everybody came back and started discussing about who was the murderer
Red said, “ I think it was Green.”
Green replied, “ How is it me! “
Red Replied back, “ You are the only one outside.”
Green exclaimed, “ Wait who else was there. “
Silence just silence
Green said, “ Before you vote me as the impostor. I have proof why that I am not the impostor the door was cle-”
Green was cut off by Purple and exclaimed “ He can not be the murderer he just got outside he did not kill them. Also everyone do not immediately accuse someone until you have proof “
Green was relieved
No one was voted off. They continued to do their tasks

Chapter 5 Very Suspicious…
Green doesn't trust Red Anymore. She was acting really suspicious. Green had a weird feeling about Red. It looked like she was not looking for clues, she was just looking at walls. Purple was also suspicious of Red But just little. Cyan thought ( Hmm what if it's not one of us? ) she kept thinking about that. Meanwhile Yellow found a bloody knife around the bushes and took it. Yellow was about to say I found the weapon but she was interrupted by a noise. It was like someone opening a vent

Than you for reading my story. I hope you enjoyed. Bye! :P